Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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