So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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