oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Operation Purity has been aborted
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
