Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
