Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
