its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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