Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
