Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
