I cannot find my penis.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
