I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
