what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
