So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
