what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
