my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
