I bet he comes in French.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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