But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
