: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
