He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
