Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
