you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
