have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
