I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
