Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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