dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
