I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
