I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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