Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
