she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
