Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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