You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Panties = found
Randomize
