i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm bleeding and have questions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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