i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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