Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
