I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
