Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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