im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
