So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
