I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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