That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
