i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
