i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
