She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
two words...techno handjob
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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