Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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