I hate your face
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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