He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
