That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
