dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
