Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
