I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like death gave me a hand job
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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