I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
